My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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