So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
