party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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