I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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