You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
