I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
