i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
