We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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