I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize