Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
