Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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