There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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