It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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