Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
