even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
