I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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