while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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