Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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