I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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