I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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