I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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