we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
