I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
cat food counts as protein by the way
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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