she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize