I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have demons in me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
