We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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