btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
