What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
