omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
