I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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