I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
