Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
