I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's even glitter on my cock...
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