I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
