did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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