I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
