I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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