I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
