that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Randomize
