I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize