Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
