The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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