So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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