Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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