My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
