ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
