I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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