Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
