My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
