Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
