i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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