Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
