best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
