i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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