the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
