his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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