It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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