im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
