i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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