I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
