Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
