Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
