508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
