Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
