I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
