Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
